1.You were always the first person who had to leave when everyone was hanging out. Cos your parents won’t stop calling your phone.
2.Whenever your friends would make plans for later that night, you knew your parents would say no because it literally took them 3-4 business days to process whether they would allow you to go out.
3.You would practice asking your parents for permission to do something in the mirror and preemptively come up with answers to questions you knew they’d ask.
4. Asking for permission to spend the night at a friend’s house took 37 hours of mental preparation, a detailed powerpoint presentation of your friend’s family tree, and a signed contract in your blood saying you promise to behave and would be home before
5. You always whipped out the wounded puppy look to garner sympathy from your parents before asking for a favor no matter how small.
6. You would ask your parents once,and only once, if you could hang out at someone’s house. You never understood why your friends would think that “asking them again” would makeany difference.
7. You also always had to wait until they were in a good mood before asking for anything. And they were never in a good mood.
8. You always had to choose between going out on either on Friday or Saturday because there’s no way your parents were going to agree to both or letting you go out on two consecutive days.
9. You understand THE PURE, UNADULTERATED PANIC that channels through your veins when your friends change the plans 10 times when you are hanging out with them and you had to keep reexplaining to your parents what you were doing.
10.You never had “The Talk” with your parents. And there was no mention of sex education. They probably left a biology textbook on your bed about your ~changing body~ and let you figure it out.
11. Family dinner conversations revolved around your academics, why you didn’t come 1st position, why you scored 79% in mathematics, how your friend that came first doesn’t have two heads and your class schedule—never about your social or love life. As far as your parents were concerned, you didn’t have either.
12.You probably shared the same first name as at least 4-5 other people in your classes growing up. Chineyere. Mary. Tunde. Esther. Joy. Chioma. Etc Etc
13. To this day, you still can’t get dressed without wondering what your parents would think about what you’re wearing.
14. You curfew was 5pm.
15. Your parents always tried to sign up to school functions and competitions for you.
16. You always changed the channel if your parents walked in on you watching something. And if you are caught off guard, you keep praying the characters don’t kiss.
17. Your impulse reaction to hearing your friends say they had a boyfriend or girlfriend is open-mouthed shock.
18. Manners from ‘learning how to greet, not collecting things from your neighbours, not borrowing toys, staying indoors, avoiding witchcraft,’ were everything. You got the “I don’t want you to disgrace me out there” speech all the time.
19. You’re careful telling jokes to your parents because their response toes the line between laughing along to immediately going off on a 45 minute rant.
20. They always eyed you suspiciously when the pastor in Church prayed for stubborn children. And their favorite verse in the bible was ”Children Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right”. The next verse (Ephesians 6:4) that comes with a clause never existed as long as they are concerned.
21. If you miss one phone call, your parents suddenly assume you’re doing a very bad thing” with “that one friend of yours” they KNEW was going to be a bad influence